You say that your prospective mentee “has so many factors in her favor,” and, I trust, this inference is based on her dossier, not simply on her race. But even if she’s already quite advantaged, the idea that helping her will somehow contribute to your own oppression is, I think, implausible. The wisdom you can offer her is scarcely going to affect the relative prospects of Black and white lawyers generally, or your prospects in particular. Indeed, if it makes any difference to the world at all, it may well be a small one toward equity. My impression, as someone who teaches in a law school, is that many white law students today are deeply concerned about racial justice, and the counsel of someone like you could make their concern better informed and more effective.
If you don’t like the way the program is run, you can certainly decide that you won’t sign up a second time. But it’s wrong to renege on our commitments absent a compelling reason. That you could have been put to better use may be a demerit against the program, but it isn’t sufficient for pulling out, and the other reason you mention is unconvincing. Unless you can come up with a better reason, then, I’d encourage you to see it through. A young woman has been told that she will be getting your advice and support. If you drop her, you’ll owe her and the program an explanation for why. You say that law school is universally scary for first-year students; for this first-year student, at least, it’s in your hands to make it less so — or more so.
My parents maintain relationships with many friends and relatives both domestically and overseas. Many people think fondly of them, and when they are in public they imitate friendly and kind people.
My issue is that they were terrible, abusive parents. They terrorized my brother and me, telling us every day we were failures, morons and worthless losers. My dad is an addict who has lied about his addictions and only seems to care about getting attention from others, and my mother is anxious and depressed. They’re old now, and we never developed an actual relationship. I don’t think they are capable of liking or loving their children, and I’ve given up on trying. The most important thing to them is cultivating the good opinion of others.
I want to know, what are my obligations to keep the family secrets once they die? Am I supposed to pretend I care when they die? And what are my obligations to care for them as their health declines? I have a cousin who lives in the same town as them, who they are very nice to and who acts like their child. But do I have a responsibility to two people I suspect are mentally ill who have treated me with unrepentant cruelty? We haven’t spoken in a few years, and I don’t miss them. Name Withheld
