Navigating the awkward line between friend and customer

Navigating the awkward line between friend and customer


Chana R Schoenberger

Features correspondent

Alamy (Credit: Alamy)Alamy

(Credit: Alamy)

Q. A friend asked me to become a customer of her new business. I’d like to support her, but I don’t feel she is providing enough value for the fees she charges. I also don’t think her business model is sustainable. Where is the ethical line between being a friend and paying more than you’d like for a service you don’t need? Can I offer her advice (which she did not request) on ways to make her business better without signing up as a paying client?

A. Starting a business is hard work and often requires surrendering some dignity to ask for favours. It’s logical that a new entrepreneur would approach the people she knows to be among her first customers. This can create an awkward dynamic if they don’t want to sign up, but are reluctant to tell the entrepreneur why.

Alamy Your friend’s new business is overcharging. Should you tell her? (Credit: Alamy)Alamy

Your friend’s new business is overcharging. Should you tell her? (Credit: Alamy)

“I don’t think necessarily that the obligations of friendship include effectively donating money to a friend’s sinking businesses, but I do think that part of being a devoted friend and a reliable community member is to offer support to those around you,” said Barak Richman, a business and law professor at Duke University, by email.

A businessperson’s resources are critical to their success and that includes professional networks of friends and colleagues. Startups need financial resources — capital, information, sales — as well as the interpersonal resources of the founder, such as ideas, feedback, and moral support, Richman said.

If your friend can’t count on you and others in her network to tell her the truth, she’s going to have a tough time out in the world.

It would be nice of you to diplomatically explain why you don’t want to become a customer, rather than just avoiding the question. Social etiquette aside, candid feedback on the service offered and its pricing can be valuable to entrepreneurs. If her service is too costly, endangering the business, your friend would rather know now than later.

Think of this as an integral part of the iteration process that startup founders use to refine their products and pricing. You can play this role in your friend’s company.

Thinkstock Candid feedback can be valuable to entrepreneurs. (Credit: Thinkstock)Thinkstock

Candid feedback can be valuable to entrepreneurs. (Credit: Thinkstock)

“Most businesses improve with time, and many can only overcome the initial challenges of the marketplace with the support of others,” Richman said. If your friend can’t count on you and others in her network to tell her the truth, she’s going to have a tough time out in the world.

Tell her you wish you could become a customer, but her service costs too much. Then explain your reservations about the business model. Whether or not she takes your advice, you should be able to continue your friendship as before, as long as she’s not offended. And if she does take your gently offered advice as an insult, she may be too thin-skinned for entrepreneurship.

Work Ethic is a twice-monthly column on BBC Capital in which we consider the ethical and interpersonal dilemmas that workers face around the world. We welcome knotty questions from readers at workethic@bbc.com.



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